Faith, Doubt and Aspiration

I am going to admit something huge to you. I LOVE TO WRITE. Er...should I say express myself. If you have known me for any length of time you already know this. Ahem. And when I have had a bad day, the neighbors know it too. I can yell really loud...but I digress.

I started writing this blog a year ago and it was magical. In my world anyway. I could verbalize all of those collected snippets of useless, random thoughts that were rattling around my brain!! I was so prolific at it, it started to scare me. Maybe I was exposing too much of myself. Or my kids. Maybe I was going to be viewed as feeling entirely too self important. So I sorta stopped writing. How pretentious of me to waste my time doing this rather than raising our children. But I missed it SO much. Obviously, this "expressing" thing is something I am pretty good at, yet one thought continues to bother me.

That anything I have to say would be interesting enough for anyone else to spend their precious time listening to.

Then I realized that it doesn't matter. While I adore writing for people, it doesn't matter if anyone out there is listening. Doing what I am doing feels so good to me, that I am just going to do it for myself.

I have ALWAYS wanted to work for myself. Always. When I was, like ten years old I wanted to sell things to people. No idea WHAT I would sell, just that I had to sell it. I started my first "real" business at 18. Peggy's Cleaning Service. I cleaned newly constructed homes and I can tell you it is definitely a business for the young. Or those in really good shape. NTS (Note To Self): Start that business again....I seriously need to exercise. And I digress again.

I have had some pretty stinky ideas for ways to have my own business. There is was the selling "stuff" one. Peggy's Cleaning Service. Medical transcription. Decorating picture frames. Clothing designer for fat girls. Home made gift cards. DML Computer Services. Professional sweepstakes enterer (is that a word?? Spell check says no!). MsChief Gifts. Real estate picture taker. That was off of the top of my head. But with each of these..ahem..endeavors, one thing remained constant. Doubt. What is it with perfectly smart women and our inability to believe in ourselves and doubt in our aspirations??

While most of these ideas were best left in the Research and Development stage, I wish I would have had more faith in myself. If I really worked hard, I am sure I could have made something of the fat girls clothes thing! What is that saying...every long journey starts with one step forward (seriously, I should just Google it, but it fits) So going forward, I am going to aspire to be a good mom, wife, friend and be the best person I can be.

Oh, and kick doubt to the curb.